CARS. I hate the fucking things. Encased in metal the driver is propelled effortlessly through space, too fast to really see the details of the territory passed through, insulated from the weather and the odors of the world. Not that it's usually any great loss most likely there's nothing to smell but the stench of exhaust. In a car, you can be packed with thousands of others in a massive traffic jam, with no possibility of communicating with your neighbors, other than the idiot blare of the horn. And of course, as the driver's mind is eroded away by the monotony of the view, her health ruined by sucking carbon monoxide fumes, and her environment paved over and poisoned, she receives the satisfaction of knowing she is contributing to the massive profits of huge multinational corporations. If you get the idea I could go on in this vein for some time, you're right.

Almost every problem in society is made far, far worse by our dependence on the automobile. The fucking things are unbelievably expensive to produce and maintain (the manufacture of ONE car requires 100,000 gallons of water...while we're asked to turn the faucet off while we brush our teeth!). This means that the auto-dependent worker must work more than the internal combustion-free citizen to maintain the same standard of living. Of course, this also makes cars, and inevitably their drivers, inviting targets for violent criminals, who also find them convenient for getaways and high-speed chases. When was the last time you heard about a "bike-by shooting"? Do you think Richard Allen Davis could have smuggled Polly Klaas, bound and gagged, onto a bus? Cars kill more animals than vivisectionists do, and more humans than drugs and alcohol (the combination of intoxicants and cars accounts for tens of thousands of deaths each year, but I get pissed when groups like MADD harp on and on about how evil drink drivers are, but apparently don't care about the other tens of thousands of people who get killed each year by sober drivers!). Cars kill three times as many South Africans as political violence does.

Auto advertising represents the brainwashing techniques of the corporate media at their most insidious the purchase of a death monster is promised to provide the fortunate consumer with strength, masculinity/femininity, freedom, and of course lots and lots of sex. Attachment to the products of a particular corporation is shown as a quasi-religious tradition binding families together across the generations. Upscale models demonstrate your status, economy brands your thrift.

Getting behind the wheel of Satan's chariot seems to bring out the worst in people... men, in particular, who may ordinarily be perfectly mellow chaps, turn into snarling warrior archetypes when they hit the gas, cursing a blue streak when someone cuts them off and forces them to slow down slightly, and waiting at red lights as patiently as though they were having teeth drilled. It appears to me that driving must be an unpleasantly stressful experience that no doubt subtracts years from your life. Of course, this Jekyll-to-Hyde act, while only annoying to those who have had the bad judgment to submit to the role of passenger, is life-threatening to bicyclists, pedestrians, wandering children and deliberate malice on the part of the car-aimer than by the simple spacing out and failing to pay attention that's entirely natural after a few hours of focusing on the median strip.

Well, enough whining. The defensive among you are probably mentally compiling a list of reasons you couldn't possibly exist without your car... to get to work (a problem that doesn't come up for us carless, as we don't apply for jobs we can't get to, which is admittedly kind of a pain the ass when looking for work, but the time, money, and stress saved in the long run is well worth it), or maybe for recreation (sitting in traffic ain't my idea of fun!). In my neighborhood. a recent move to widen a street to make it safe for bicyclists, eliminating a median strip, was fervently opposed by local churches, who claimed attendance would plummet and souls would be endangered if that median strip wasn't available tor their flock to park illegally in! Why don't they just pray to Jeezus to send a winged, flaming chariot to ferry them and their Jello salad to Sunday services, or, failing that, find a church closer to home?

Maybe you need a van to haul all your band's equipment around in? Well. OK, there I must admit I'm unable to come up with a practical alternative [ Bugtussel once transported their equipment frow studio to show via shopping carts ed.] ...although I once heard of a guy who got thrown out of a reggae hand for sticking to his anti-car principles and insisting that the band tour by ox- cart. Still, only a small percentage of auto trips are motivated by the legitimate need to haul heavy objects.

The bottom line is that we'd all he better off if there was less driving going on. Think about ways you can lessen your personal dependence on death monsters... if you really feel you have to drive, please remember that no matter how much the corporate ad agencies try to make driving seem like something God intended to be a fundamental part of everybody's life, it's actually an extraordinary responsibility that every time you turn the key, you're taking your life and the lives of others into your hands. Obey all rules of the road. When you cruise through a red light and smear some seven-year-old jaywalker all over your grille. I guarantee that whatever appointment you were in such a damn hurry to keep won't seem all that fucking important!

Look before you open your door...suddenly flinging it open is a good way to seriously injure a hapless biker. And please, please, don't try to impress me by sticking politically correct bumper stickers on your corporate-produced fossil fuel-guzzling, poison-belching death machine! That "No Blood for Oil" sticker on your car only marks you as an idiot and a hypocrite. With that in mind, we introduce the "Kill Your Automobile" sticker for your TV set... despite the fears expressed by trendy bumper stickers, my television has yet to brainwash me, but cars have seriously injured me in the past and no doubt will again.

FUCK THEM!

­ Eric Wilson