by SOS! SOS!

IN THE DAZE OF THE COMET
"It's Near... It's Clear... We're Goin' Comet Shoppin'!"

A lot of people think us naycha folks are just earthbound terrestrial types who eat too much granola. Not true! Many of us drink bourbon with branch water and devour a few chili dogs. The Nature Column doesn't endorse eating chili dogs but some of us just can't help ourselves!

But anyway as I was saying we naycha folks don't just dig nature here on Earth... we also gave into the heavens to find it. And today's column is about Hale-Bopp... our new Comet!

Hale-Bopp is named for its co-discoverers Alan Hale and Thomas Bopp. But a few psycho-fanatics like me feel that Hail Bop is just as good a name and will honor the great music played by Charlie Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, Thelonious Monk, and other jazz greats. And the music fits the comet.

Obviously the best time and place to the see the comet is a "Night in Tunisia." But if you can't get to the Sahara this spring, then it's just a short ride from the Pittsburg BART station to "Manteca"! Hungry? Have "Salt Peanuts" while comet-watching. In any case "Now's the Time" to see Hale-Bopp. A good place really is Tunisia or Manteca or another rural type natural place (see kids... things really are connected ­ what's natch'l up there is best seen when we're natch'l down here!). But even a small park on a hill in The City will give you a clear view.

A good time to watch is night (da!)... specifically about 4 to 5 a.m. in mid-March. Viewers should face east then turn their gaze slightly to the north and look low on the horizon. Those of us who don't want to get up at 4 a.m. (or who want to go home to sleep at that time) will have to wait till late March. Then you should try around 7 to 9 p.m. and face west this time and also turn slightly northward. This time will work till late April when you should try later (about 9.30 p.m.) also to the northwest.

Sometime in May, Hale-Bopp will disappear... or crash into the Earth (probably not but ya nevva know). The really cool thing about Hale-Bopp is that you don't need a telescope to see it. You don't eve need binoculars (although they add a nice touch). You can see it with the nude eye! Unlike other comets that are all fuzzy and you need to be an astronomy professor to distinguish them from stars, Hale-Bopp is brightly obvious with a visible tail. In a recent Newsweek article, astronomer Carolyn Shoemaker ­ who leads all active astronomers in the Comet Discover department with a whopping 32 to her credits ­ calls Hale-Bopp a "wow comet" that's the biggest "in our lifetime." If you miss your chance, you'll have to wait till the year 4397 to see Hale-Bopp again.

Astrologers tell us that comets herald big changes (like maybe messengers getting united or Critical Mass becoming democratic or maybe even the rich getting poorer and the poor getting riches!). Well, if one lands in downtown SF that'll mean some big changes! Anyway before that happens comet voyeurs can enjoy looking at our celestial visitor.