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I don't think it would be presumptuous of me to say that Mother Nature has laid off of the wacky sauce this past winter. It sped on by without any major incidents, unless you didn't expect Kali to get hit by a car again. Oh yeah, there was also the emergence of my alter ego, the Vicodan Warrior. So the winter has passed on to times where the rain is warmer and everyone is fucking cute. Even the ho's on Capp Street are making that extra special effort. So it is time to get all of those polyester blends from the bottom of your clothes pile and wash them so you can show them off to the world. So winter is over, but we lucked out because the only thing that was really cold and vindictive was the California criminal justice system. What the hell else is new.
Yes,
Spring brings wondrous things, like bar-b-cues and afternoon shows.
I do have this sense of moral responsibility when it comes to
documenting the seasons. It got kind of cold, but it was never
too cold to rock. One thing about keeping this job during the
winter is that you never run out of good stories about how lame
your job is. Having a shitty job has been fodder for many a rock
song, and I don't think it gets any more thankless than riding
bike in Frisco. Just in case you were wondering, the only people
that are as clueless as your clients are your dispatchers, and
you know what's up with them. So hurry and stock up on your local
music collection, 'cuz the people that crank out those tunes are
the only people that understand you. I sure as fuck don't.
Well, I'm pretty confused at this point because I was going to write about a band that I really like, but they already broke up so there's not that much to say about them, except that now there are two bands that emerged out of one. The original band was Area 69, and they had a very good debut show at the Covered Wagon. They were loud, angry, and very antagonistic towards the suckers that came to see them. They came off a little bit more aggressive and less drunk than their predecessors Big Rig, but far be it from the Spiller to hold the affliction of partial sobriety against anyone. It takes all kinds. After that Toby, the lead singer, bailed on the band and formed his own group called the Badasstards. He was also the first to crawl from the wreckage and give me a tape of what his band was doing.
These guys get the credit for making early seventies-style glitter rock, music that other bands in SF are afraid of doing. The recording is really good, but since I am a sucker for punishment, I have to stress my disappointment at there not being any jokes and insults in the middle of their songs. They even held back on their trademark joke: What do you get when you cross two junkies, a speed freak, and an alcoholic? The Badasstards! Fuckin' funny, eh? So go and check them out. They are lining up really good shows with bands like the Nukes and Count Dante, who must be seen to be believed. And if their jokes suck, it's 'cuz they're rockers and they have more important things to worry about. And as far as the other band goes, Eggroll says that there is something going on with him, but I will not believe it until I hear it.
And then there's Fuckface. They have a four song EP out, and they are so punk rock that I had to steal it from someone so I could listen to it. Does anyone remember an Orange County band called the Yobs? No? Fine, I'll spell it out for you. Imagine a guy with a really annoying voice trying to convince you of one thing and a big ass thrash band behind him, trying to derail your train of thought. They can also get hesher on you without notice, just to see if you are paying attention. I tell ya, when Jello Biafra stopped singing like he had a stick up his ass, the world lost one of its greatest voices. But never fear, Fuckface is here. These guys win the prize for the cathartic soundtrack to jump around the room with your fists clenched, throwing the tantrum you always knew you were capable of. That shit's gotta come out sometime.
Any of you guys that miss bands like the Hickoids and Corduroy will be glad to know that Wade, our friend and lost Texan soldier, has been concocting this band called 50 Million for some while now. Well, it's not only a band, it's a concept. A world view, if I may. I just got my hands on his first recording, which is an attempt to disassociate himself from the days of old, with all of the pop-punking and the cross-dressing and the booze and such. It starts out with a well-advised disclaimer to the audience. Thanks, Wade, I hope you don't get sued by some fucking Moonie. The only social damage that I see him portraying in this release is that he pops a lot of pulls and that he has had a lot of embarrassing sex. Who doesn't. The only difference that I see between 50 Million and the Beatles is that the Beatles never recorded a song with the word "fuck" in it. There are many bright spots on this disc, including a couple of songs for television shows they have been working on. I know that the shows do not exist as of yet, but the songs do and they are chock full of lo-fi goodness. You would have to hear them to understand. I also hear that they have ten-inch vinyl out as well, so you have no excuse not to find these guy and listen to them.
Another entrant to the lo-fi department is that Cheezy Trolls. This band is so cool that they don't even live in the same state but they are still a band. That is fucking cool. Only musical geniuses are capable of collaborating like that . First there was Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, then there was Michael McDonald and Patti Labelle. Now we have the Cheezy Trolls. They do so many types of music that I would not be able to do them justice by the written word. It sounds like their musical influences range from Steel Pulse to Gwar. Once you get a copy of this tape, you'll never need to get another tape again. That's 'cuz the Trolls have been there and done that, any they are ready to give a full report. My only complaint is that they have been to hell and back and they have not been able to find a real drummer in between. It is obvious that these guys are very talented and that they can play many types of music, but they should get a drummer. I know that Ween uses a drum machine for a lot of their stuff, but you guys have to realize that one less drum machine makes for a better world.
I got yet another tape from Hollow. That's a good thing, because that means Lance is not completely crestfallen about not getting booked at the Covered Wagon. All of the songs on the demo are really solid, including the instrumental at the end. There is a new singer with the group, which not only adds to the vocal dynamics, but it makes for more pretty faces to look at. And although I know that the new singer (her name is Stephanie) has a nice set of lungs, I am never able to hear here when they play. And I bet she would sound awesome on songs like "Cellophane."
Speaking of the new school, I saw this Oregon band called Gun Pro at this afternoon show at Starcleaners on Sycamore. They were opening up for the Faggz (who have a new tape out) and Spaceboy. They looked very young and oh so cute, but they had big, big sound. They reminded me of Blast, which is kinda cool because Cliff from Spaceboy used to do some yelling for Blast in the past. they are probably back up north now, but if you ever see them listed, go check 'em. And if you guys missed the Clowns when they played at the Covered Wagon a few weeks ago, you probably missed your only chance to see some of the raddest Pat Benetar covers that have ever been played. Clowns have always scared the shit out of me, but the sight of them rocking out and grinding on their guitars was, I dunno, comforting. Am I weird? Don't answer that.
Our own Family Scott finally got off their asses and gave us the demo tape that we had to beg them for. What more can I say about this latest incarnation of kick-flavored bicycle messenger band? They are the flavor of the month. They stay crunchy in milk. So crunchy, in fact, that I heard that they are not that willing to play free shows anymore. Well la-di-fucking-da. The Spiller can only hope that parties and bar mitzvahs are excluded from this list. They are going back into the studio soon, and I hope they take that Cole Porter cover with them.
That is more than enough for this time. If there is anyone that I missed, I have one word for you. DEADLINE. I hope you guys can make it through spring without contracting any diseases or infections. You can't really enjoy the warm weather if it hurts every time you pee. Keep giving me tapes anyway, we never know what the future holds. And I don't want to start paying for music again. Thanks for reading and I'll see you at the shows.
-Spiller
So, after a day of b&s in the messenger world,
I sat down with some friends at the bar for a little q&a.
There's Ray, Robo, and Eggroll, three different guys that play
three different instruments, in three different bands. The four
of us sat calmly at a table in the smoky Tempest where the beer
is cheap (before 7) and refreshing and the atmosphere is always
full o' love. I began to poke and prod their big brains to find
out what goes on in a messenger / musician's head. They were each
a little edgy at first, but after few beers, they were singin'
like birds & I felt like a regular psychiatrist.
The Bassist: Raymond "Ray Star"
Ruiz
Born: 16.September.1968
The Drummer: Robert "Robo"
Antonio Castaneda
Born: 29.May.1969
The Guitarist: Eric "Egg Roll"
Lowell
Born: I dunno but he's about 26 and single (sorry gals, no phone
#)
q: If you could tour with anyone in
the entire universe who would it be?
rr: Salma Hayek (rrrrruff) from
that movie "Dusk till Dawn," even though she's not a
musician but that's ok, or maybe Bark Market from New York.
rc: Kenny G, because I hear he gets
all the best deli trays from the caterers.
er: The Rolling Stones cuz they rock!
They'd probably pay good, get good food, beer, parties, and have
lots of swell groupies. I also dig Mick Jagger.
q: Did you ever get picked on in middle
school?
rr: Are you kidding, what kind
of question is that? Just look at this body!
rc: No, but I just got kicked out of Menudo for being a fucking
geezer!!
er: I never teased anyone or really got teased & no girls
really liked me anyway.
q: So how do you guys feel about the
re-release of the computer geekily enhanced Star Wars trilogy?
rc: Well, I was a member of the fan club from 82-85, so I've gown
a controversial boner from all the hoopla. I even think a big
percent of my love for messengering is that I feel like a stormtrooper
with all the pagers, radios, bags, and accessories.
er: I don't want to be a stormtrooper,
but a porntrooper and carry large voltage adapted strap-on devices.
Or I'd be one of those guys with the pointy hats that pulls the
level to destroy planets, 'cuz they probably get paid more than
stormtrooopers. Ya know when you're destroying planets you get
paid the big bucks.
q: Yeah, ok, so what's your favorite
80's tv show.
er: Star Trek, definitely. Spock was lame cuz he never got any
chicks, and Captain Kirk rules cuz he was the ladies' man. Then
I also liked Scotty because of this one episode where he gets
totally shitfaced and some bad guys took over the ship, but Scotty
then distracts the evil doers by getting them drunk, sacrificing
his own life and liver, and the easily-influenced pirates were
foiled.
q: So have there been any horrifying experiences
while on the road?
rc: Yeah, one time we were on
the road with this band Frightening, and we all decided to stop
at Denny's. Well, I foolishly ordered the infamous big chicken
sandwich called the "Super Bird" and sucked it down
in a furious hunger binge. Within second my stomach was in knots
and I fled to the bathroom where I spent about three hours. Then,
however, I was rousted from my perch cuz we had to play a show
in, like, 15 minutes. So, we sped the club, and I went on anyway,
in excruciating pain, because I had to do it for my beloved bandmates
and cuz I love my fans.
q: So how about if you guys tell us
about your bands, how did you get together, who plays what and
all that?
rr: The band's called SWIRL
and I play bass. John Aniah plays guitar and Eric Detabuan plays
drums. I've known Eric for about three years and we've all been
together since last summer. I really love all my bandmates. The
guitarist writes the lyrics, which aren't always happy, but the
singer is really good. The music is kinda Pink Floydish, kinda
rhythmic and stoney with lotsa guitar. We're a pretty rockin'
3 piece so come see us or go to hell!!!
er: We haven't really decided on
a name but maybe AREA 69. I play guitar, sing, and write
some bad energy type-lyrics influenced by bad energy authors.
Chris McKnight plays drums and is a dispatcher for eastern messenger.
Mark Fuller is one badass mofo from Portland and plays guitar,
he also used to work for Eastern Mess but now works for American
Airlines and we might have a bassist soon named Sammy. Look for
an upcoming show at the Purple Onion.
rc: We used to be called Stem, but a phone call from the attorney
of Stem in LA quickly influenced our name change to SCRATCH
TICKET. I (Robo) play drums, Eric Moffat sings and plays guitar
and Chris Clower plays bass and does some vocals, he's also the
cook at the restaurant / fire truck parking lot Radio Valencia.
We may not play for a while cuz our bassist is recovering from
a hell bent piggyback ride. We have kind of melodic vocals with
backbreaking drums and accident-prone bass lines.
q: What are some of your influences? Musical
and others?
rc: A big influence was John Bonham, of course, Dave Lombardo
from Slayer, but most of all Animal from the Muppets.
rr: Uh, I always liked Cheap Tirck,
and Nirvana a little, and if I played drums, it'd be Animal too.
er: Well, as far as the lyrics go,
I really like Frank Herbert who wrote Dune, that's probably my
favorite book of all time. I've also been into Nietzsche lately
cuz he is kind of down and cynical and puts out a little bad energy,
I like that.
q: Hey Eggroll, what's with that big
octopus tattoo on your arm?
er: This guy Jesse, an x-bandmate
of mine did that in Portland. I like the Octopus, because it's
a really beautiful and graceful animal, but with an evil side
and I like the ink-squirting aspect.
q: Ray, you wanted to ax me a question
too?
rr: Yeah, Bob, if you were totally
broke and a nickel was sitting on the curb, but there was a quarter
sitting on a pile of shit and your stomach was only half full
which would you grab?
rbm(q)(me): Uh well, [we all paused on that note and each killed
the pints on the table]. Uh, I guess I'd grab the quarter and
eat the shit on toasted bread and then take the nickel from the
other hungry guy reaching for it. Which would probably be Robo.
If y'all didn't figure it out, rr=Ray, rc=Robo, er=Eric "Eggroll," q/rbm=me (Bob) and if you want to hear the exciting story of how Eggroll got his name drop us a line. Thanks for reading. Have a smoooooooooooth daaaaaaaaaaaay.
Bob