One day me need job. Me read paper. Paper say bicycle delivery. Me like bicycle so me go get job. To get job must talk to sour brown man. Me sign papers, get job. Me work for B.P.S. at 250 Broadway.
Me meet Good man at B.P.S. Good man called dispatcher. Me like dispatcher. Meet other good man learning to be dispatcher. Both good men, me like both men. Both men like me so I deliver very fast.
One day strange little round man appear. Little round man lurk about. Little round man no smile. Me come back from fast delivery and little round man say, "Where is your helmet'? Me caught off guard so me say, "Ahhhhhhhh." Me no like little round man. Me look around and see me not the only one no like little round man. Me wear HELMET 'til out of sight of little round man. Little round man go away, me happy again.
Me work happy many weeks. One day little round man reappear. Me hide but finally little round man find me. Little round man say, "Sign this." Me say, "What this?" Little round man say, "Sign for shirt." Me say, "I got shirt." He say, "You wear this shirt." Little round man hold up rumpled shirt with fuzz balls in arm pits for me to see. Me say, "Me no sign for that shirt." Little round man get red and leave. Me happy again.
Next week little round man reappear and find me. "You must wear shirt, sign here." Me look at paper and it say $15. Me say, "Too much money; me no sign." Little round man get red and leave. Next week little round man reappear along with sour brown man. Me unhappy but sign for shirt and throw in locker where rumpled fuzz ball in armpit things belong. Next week little round man show up. "He say you no wear shirt." Me say, "You no provide laundry hamper to throw dirty shirt." Little round man say, "You sign paper saying you responsible for shirt." Me say, "California sign LAW." Little round man get red and leave.
Next time little round man come he say to dispatcher no open-toed shoes. Dispatcher say, "Show me in safety manual." Little round man search and search but he no find, so he get red and leave. Me wear sandals. One day longest time car driver switch over to being B.P.S. employee. All day before he switch he train new driver to take old C.D.S job. Next day, sour brown man or little round man say, "Give us back car driver because we fire man he train last night." Good dispatcher with big spirit say, "NO, YOU DO JOB YOU PAID TO DO. YOU PROVIDE B.P.S. WITH ANOTHER DRIVER." So little round man has to come and drive all day because he and sour brown man fire to many drivers and they run out of them. Me make certain that little round man never see me on bicycle that day so we no argue about helmet. Me go home happy because dodge boss all day and work hour overtime besides.
When get home message on phone machine. Message say, call sour brown man. Me call sour brown man and he say, "You suspended 3 days." Me say, "Drop out of high school many years ago." He say, "Little round man see you riding bicycle without helmet." Me know this is lie because me very fast to stay out of little round man's way even though he slower than a frog. I say , "That not true, he no see me riding happy." "He say you suspended for 3 days." Me get very angry and say, "When you have the money you owe me." This make sour brown man happy and he say, "Well if your quit on me I can have your check in 72 hours." Me argue with sour brown man some more but then hang up when smell from other end of phone get too bad.
Me go to bed but me no sleep. Me start to think. Me know that good dispatcher with big spirit has gone on vacation that day but first he force little round man and sour brown man to rectify incompetent behavior of previous day and do the job they paid to do today. Me think sour brown man and little round man use me to hurt dispatcher with big spirit. Me think they call that a plot. Me think plot come from sour brown man because gears in little round mans head to dry and squeaky to crank out this plot. Sometimes me can almost hear them in little round man's head just before he get red and leave. This plot too greasy to come from the dry gears of little round man's head. So sour brown man use me to hurt dispatcher with great spirit. Me think littler round man's spirit was crushed long ago and sour brown man just has bad one. Me see that they threw out the suspension as bait. Me took bait. Me took bait, Me took line, Me took sinker. Ha ha ha. Me see clearly through all wrong hole talking done by sour brown man and little round man. Me see little round man and sour brown man try to tackle my spirit but it too great for both of them put together so they do only thing weak little men can do they fire me to hurt good dispatcher. Me enjoy working for both good dispatchers with great spirits and will have many good memories of the fun we had in spite of sour brown man and little brown man. The sour brown man and the little round man have to stay where they are and listen to each other talk out of the wrong holes. Ha ha ha, I win.
-The FLASH