Portland, 1970-14.Jan.2008
suicide

Mike Stevens died today. And as I'm sitting here in Ash St. Saloon I see all his friends hug and cry and show their love to a true dear friend. "Best man in the world". We love him. Loved him whatever. Anger, sadness, drunkenness. How do we show you we care? Our cheeks are crystallized our beers empty. Fuck Mike why?

Bre is taking pictures of all of us, great fucking Polaroids. If only you could see Mike how much love we have for you. Your mom didn't believe Boston. Does your daughter know... poor Zoe. Every second one of us is waiting for you to walk in; make us feel like dip shits.

Fuck Mike we're trying to make funeral arrangements. Do you want to be buried or burned? Why didn't you talk to me? We've all talked to you, hugged you, got drunk with you. Hell, we've all talked shit about someone with you. Now we're all talking shit about you :) yeah, that's a smiley face for you.

We miss you. I miss you. How many beers need to be drank for you to feel us? 1, 10, 200? I didn't want to feel for you. I tried to be distant, even deny my inner emotions.

Boston is pissed at you. Just you wait... once he sees you again prepare for a punch in the face. :) yeah another smiley for you...

Can you see Amy? She does care, she loved you. Just like the rest of us. Look we're all crying again.

I do hope, and really hope that you are in a better space. We will remember you. And we will always love you. You may have not seen this on the recent past but it's true. You will always be our friend.

-Marissa