Bike Theft Report

There have been a lot of bikes stolen lately. My means of income/my means of transportation/my most prized possession was almost stolen a few weeks ago in front of 650 Sansome.

I locked my bike the usual way with my krypto and was only in for about four minutes. As I came out of the building I noticed this scum of the earth had just broken my lock and was getting away with my bike. At first I couldn't believe this was happening, but I quickly reacted ­ knocking him completely off the bike and on to the ground. As I was grabbing my bike away from him, he pulled out a huge screwdriver and tried to stab me with it. Just then his partner rammed me with his bike. I took off around the corner to this police van; the police refused to do anything except slowly put out an A.P.B. and getting a report from me. By that time the crooks were on the run.

After I did that I thought I should tell everybody about these two, so I headed down to the Park where I found some unexpected enthusiasm and people wanting to "go get those bastards." So some of us headed up to the Wall, and got a whole messenger posse and went looking to fuck these scum up. We were quite a sight all over town. About twenty or so of us running lights, blocking traffic, just cruising in this pack with people joining in and people splitting off to check the alleys and such as we went along. People stopped and stared and wondered what was going on, because there was so many of us from so many companies riding together really fast and aggressively thru all forms of traffic ­ I'll never forget that feeling of strength and unity ­ CRUCIAL!

I've seen these two cruising around 50 U.N. Plaza and CIVIC CENTER on new mountain bikes looking for someone to sell them to or trade them for drugs as quickly as possible. They have their tools in their pack and are wearing the same thing almost all the time. They have the tools of the trade: a backpack containing a car jack, a large screw driver, and probably a hammer. One was working as a team with this other vagrant, who is a taller white male, early to mid thirties, has sandy blond/brown hair-medium to long in length, usually wearing a baseball cap. The guy that tried to stab me is a stocky white male with long, brown hair, with brown eyes and a beard. He always wears a brown knit cap, jean jacket, and jeans.

I would still like to grab some people that are free and go up to 50 U.N. or CIVIC CENTER and look for these guys. All we have to do is spot them at their hangout, make a citizen's arrest, and detain him or them until the police officer who was riding his enduro motorcycle, but we didn't find them. The officer was very informative about how I should handle it. For example, I found out I legally can't fuck this scum up, until I tell him I am placing him under citizens arrest and then I may use force to detain him.

Jah guide and protect Peace, love, and unity to all.

-Phil "Microman" Robert

On Friday, November 15th a messenger from Executive Courier was attacked by two bicycle thieves, one was wielding a long screw driver. The thief tried to stab him while the messenger rescued his bike.

Several months earlier Cartoon was also attacked, while trying to save his bicycle from the same fate. His attackers used a chain on him. Luckily Cartoon escaped with his bike, without serious injury.

There have been many other incidents of attempted bicycle theft accompanied by violence. I, myself, had to tackle one suspected thief off my bike. After he got off the ground, while I was carrying my bike away, he started making threatening gestures towards his back pocket, like he was going to pull a knife and stab me.

It is obvious that these people are dangerous beyond the scope of any normal property thief. Why? Why this vendetta? And why have they recently taken their hatred out on messengers? It seems to me it would be safer and easier to steal bicycles from a less formidable group of cyclists. Maybe they figure the greater the risk the funnier the crime. I really will never understand their mentality. Well what ever the reason, the thefts need to stop.

Where can we turn for assistance? The police don't really seem to be too concerned. Maybe they are too busy, too busy shinnying up light poles removing Agnos posters? Who knows? Ultimately it will be up to us to end the careers of these scum.

I have made another step towards doing just that. Listed below is an accurate description of two of our suspects.

They both dress very similar to most messengers, kind of a mid-eighties post-punk look, with leather basketball shoes, jeans, and flannels. Both are fairly matched in height and stature, being not too tall at about 6'2". Both have ruddy complexions. Both have slight beards and mustaches. They both are dirty and unwashed. They could be brothers even, but not twins. One has dirty blond hair and the other has dark hair. Their bikes look very similar to most messenger bikes, which is not surprising considering they probably were at some point. The blond rides a red standard cro-mo framed mountain bike with a few stickers, and the brunette rides a black mountain bike. The most obvious detail of their appearance is that, even though they look it, vaguely, they are not messengers. They don't ride with purpose like someone doing tags, they ride around aimlessly looking for their next victims.

If you have any more information about thieves or stolen bicycles please contact Bongo of Mercury Rising. If you rather make the delivery yourself you can drop stuff off at Harvey's Place, 5th and Shipley. He'll gladly give us the scoop.

-Jon Reed